Hide the remote if you value it; I intend to barter for it with terrible compliments.

I’ll insist on a re-run of our worst joke and demand a standing ovation.

Bring the umbrella you never use; I might make it rain indoors.

I promise to apologise in advance for whatever mischief I invent at 9pm.

I polished the old watch you hate; wear it and accept the consequences.

Leave one shoe out; it’s part of a very questionable scavenger hunt.

If you sing the chorus of that song, I’ll reward you with two very suspect surprises.

I hid raspberries in the fridge for reasons that are absolutely, totally innocent.

You told me you’d never blush — I’ve got plans to change that tonight.

Leave the light on in the hallway; I need it for sneaking in with a grin.

I plan to test how many kisses it takes to make you give me the remote.

You kept the ticket stub from that terrible film — tonight we reenact the worst scene.

Take the long route home; I’ve set up an ambush involving blankets and low standards.

I have a voucher for two: one cheeky favour, one hour of bad jokes.

Remember the silly scar on your knee? I plan to admire it properly tonight.

Do not be surprised if your coffee tastes suspiciously of my grin.

I hid a note in your shoe; find it before you go out and obey.

Tonight’s plan: you, me, the lamp off and the things we whisper when we can’t hear ourselves.

I’m wearing the shirt you like and nothing that goes with it.

Bring the book you fell asleep with; I plan to read you one sentence and then stop.

I still have glitter in my hair from that party — it’ll make a good souvenir.

I remembered how you stole the last slice of cake; tonight I’m reclaiming dessert.

That ridiculous playlist you made — play track three and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

You left the window open last time; I’m coming through it again with a grin.

If you wear the blue shirt I wore on our first trip, I’ll refuse to let you leave the room.

I woke up grinning thinking of your socks on the radiator; I intend to investigate further.

I kept the gum you chew after coffee; it makes a certain kind of mischief possible.

You still have the receipt from that ridiculous hat — bring the hat, I’ll bring trouble.

Cancel your evening; I booked the sofa, the cheap wine and one very insistent plan.

Remember when you hid the spare key in the plant — tonight I’m returning the favour.

I love that you still ask for my opinion on silly purchases; your respect for my taste is everything here.

I smiled when I found your pen on my desk; the trail of you through the apartment is comforting.

I feel lucky that you answer my late-night worries with patience and a plan rather than dismissal.

I appreciate that you remembered my dentist appointment today; that small memory is big to me.

I remember you teaching me that board game and laughing when I lost; I love that you made rules and then let me break them.

I like the morning texts that are just a single emoji; they say you thought of me without fuss.

I loved when you steady-handedly measured the cake batter for our first attempt; your concentration was adorable.

I feel calmer knowing you pack an extra charger in your bag; foresight and consideration, quietly generous.

You put the plant back by the window after it tipped; that small rescue felt like proof you look after us.

I still laugh about how we got lost and found that tiny bakery; it was a dumb detour that became ours.